How to handle life’s mistakes.
Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to impress my girlfriend’s parents. I want them to like me. I know for a fact that they didn’t like her last boyfriend and I feel like setting myself apart from this dude is really important. So last weekend we offered to watch their horse farm while they went to visit their other daughter.
No horses died (phew!) but I had a little accident with a tractor. While mowing the lawn I ran it into one of their barns and tore down a couple of sheets of siding in the process. This isn’t a cheap barn either. Not the kind that you can hammer a couple new pieces of plywood to at least. So I started to panic.
I’ve made a business out of helping people, I mean, that’s basically what a Community Manager does. However, mistakes of the “whoops my link doesn’t work” variety are the kind that I deal with them every day. Mistakes like “gee, I totally mangled your dream barn” aren’t really my forte.
Confront things head on
My girlfriend is a saint. She offered to tell her parents about the barn siding for me. I was really close to letting her do that because I’ve seen her mom pissed off but when she got on the phone I found myself reaching for it.
At my first post-college job I made the mistake of letting someone else deliver a mistake to my boss. Nothing makes you look less capable than having somebody else communicate your own failures.
Just look at all the celebrities and politicians that have “people” answer for their mistakes and it just ends up blowing up more.
Provide a solution
After I delivered the bad news about the barn I immediately offered to pay for the damages and drive an hour outside of Madison to do the repairs myself. I’m still waiting on the bill with fingers crossed that it doesn’t leave me drinking Busch Light for the next month, but the fact that I took ownership over the solution kept me from crippling myself with anxiety.
The great thing about making mistakes is that you’re offered a new opportunity to prove yourself by fixing the mistake. Because let’s face it, people fuck up every day at work and in their personal lives. The only thing that separates the winners from the losers is whether or not you try to fix the problem or sit around whining about it.
Do something to show that you really care
I bought brunch. I also said thanks for everything that they do for me. And I think that I’m allowed to mow the lawn again which is something that I was really worried about. I love to mow lawns and their lawn is the Mecca for landscapers.
It all comes back to being accountable and not being a whiner. There’s a little bit of a whiner in all of us though (some of us more than others). For a moment we all question whether or not we can’t point the blame somewhere else and avoid catastrophe, but I’m starting to realize that the real catastrophe is not being able to handle that one moment when everyone finds out that there is a problem…. and yes, you are the one behind it.
Learning to deal with failure is one of the hardest things that young pros have to learn. If it’s any consolation, they make for some really great stories after they’re over.
RyanPaugh
Twitter me- Financial Help for Single Mothers http://t.co/uqCp4uip 2012-05-28
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19 Responses for "How to handle life’s mistakes."
Great quote Ryan: "Nothing makes you look less capable than having somebody else communicate your own failures." I totally agree that how you fix the mistake might be more important than the mistake itself.
Thanks Dan! And thanks for the ReTweet too!
I think our first instinct is always to run from a problem – but that's really not the best way to handle it. I completely agree. Props to you for standing up and admitting your mistake.
And serious props for making an effort to win over your GF's parents.
One thing that I've learned from the endless mistakes that I've made is that running away is stupid. It's like a hit and run. You just get in more trouble when you flee the scene of a crime.
Great post, Ryan. Keep writing. And keep making mistakes.
We love you Ryan – smashed barn and all
One thing that's for certain is that I'll keep making mistakes. I'm really good at screwing shit up
I love you too. Thanks for having your parents over so I could cause some mayhem on the farm.
I've been looking for some words of wisdom to help me as I start my first job as a college graduate. So I've been doing a lot of Googling. But when I am sitting just checking my Brazen feed, not even thinking about finding some solid advice, I find some positive words:
1. "Nothing makes you look less capable than having somebody else communicate your own failures."
2. "The great thing about making mistakes is that you’re offered a new opportunity to prove yourself by fixing the mistake."
Great Post!!!
Thanks! Reach out to me anytime if you need someone to talk to about your new job. The transition into the Real World was hard for me, but I'm still standing. I'd be happy to pass on any tips that I can.
When I have a problem, I usually do not directly follow-up. But I first examine what a mistake that I did, thoughtful and just a few moments later with a calm, then I started to fix it one by one
I find that letting people know that I made a mistake saves me a lot of grief in the long run. I like the let people know that something happened and I am going to fix it instead of trying to cover it up without their knowledge. Sometimes that can get you into more trouble.
Ryan, I love this post. I have to tell everyone that you are incredibly sweet with Caitlin and her parents and I know your mom reads every little thing about you online, so she will read this comment and be happy for you.
Also, you and I have been through SO much in Wisconsin. I mean, I think all the time about how insane it was that I moved here without knowing anything about it. And then, before I even knew what Wisconsin was like, I convinced you to move here to do a company with me.
And it makes me laugh that we are both on farms now. But really, how can you live in Wisconsin and not be somehow connected to a farm? It's like living in New York City and not being connected somehow to a hipster music scene babe.
Penelope
I keep worrying that people are going to say that I'm ripping off your blog. Sue me!!! The odds are pretty good that if you're living in Wisconsin you're going to know someone who lives on a farm
Great article Ryan! To me taking on responsibility of a wrong is the first step in handling mistakes I've learned many years ago. It gives you a clear conscious to think and a peaceful night's sleep. To me, failure is when you hide or you don't get up and try again to do the right thing!
I'll be the first to admit that I still sometimes fall into the trap of not admitting to my mistakes right away. You're right. You do lose sleep over that kind of stuff. Another good reason to not throw yourself in denial when you know that you've done something wrong.
Thanks!
[...] How to handle mistakes and move on with your life – Perhaps the second hardest thing to do is to say that you screwed up. We all do it, but for some reason it ranks up there with admitting that we are wrong as something we all hate to do. This is a thought provoking piece because it shows a real-world situation much worse than any 9-5 screw up. [...]
I agree, learn how to fail and you'll learn how to take risks.
I agree, learn how to fail and you’ll learn how to take risks.
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