Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to impress my girlfriend’s parents. I want them to like me. I know for a fact that they didn’t like her last boyfriend and I feel like setting myself apart from this dude is really important. So last weekend we offered to watch their horse farm while they went to visit their other daughter.

No horses died (phew!) but I had a little accident with a tractor. While mowing the lawn I ran it into one of their barns and tore down a couple of sheets of siding in the process. This isn’t a cheap barn either. Not the kind that you can hammer a couple new pieces of plywood to at least. So I started to panic.

I’ve made a business out of helping people, I mean, that’s basically what a Community Manager does. However, mistakes of the “whoops my link doesn’t work” variety are the kind that I deal with them every day. Mistakes like “gee, I totally mangled your dream barn” aren’t really my forte.

Confront things head on

My girlfriend is a saint. She offered to tell her parents about the barn siding for me. I was really close to letting her do that because I’ve seen her mom pissed off but when she got on the phone I found myself reaching for it.

At my first post-college job I made the mistake of letting someone else deliver a mistake to my boss. Nothing makes you look less capable than having somebody else communicate your own failures.

Just look at all the celebrities and politicians that have “people” answer for their mistakes and it just ends up blowing up more.

Provide a solution

After I delivered the bad news about the barn I immediately offered to pay for the damages and drive an hour outside of Madison to do the repairs myself. I’m still waiting on the bill with fingers crossed that it doesn’t leave me drinking Busch Light for the next month, but the fact that I took ownership over the solution kept me from crippling myself with anxiety.

The great thing about making mistakes is that you’re offered a new opportunity to prove yourself by fixing the mistake. Because let’s face it, people fuck up every day at work and in their personal lives. The only thing that separates the winners from the losers is whether or not you try to fix the problem or sit around whining about it.

Do something to show that you really care

I bought brunch. I also said thanks for everything that they do for me. And I think that I’m allowed to mow the lawn again which is something that I was really worried about. I love to mow lawns and their lawn is the Mecca for landscapers.

It all comes back to being accountable and not being a whiner. There’s a little bit of a whiner in all of us though (some of us more than others). For a moment we all question whether or not we can’t point the blame somewhere else and avoid catastrophe, but I’m starting to realize that the real catastrophe is not being able to handle that one moment when everyone finds out that there is a problem…. and yes, you are the one behind it.

Learning to deal with failure is one of the hardest things that young pros have to learn. If it’s any consolation, they make for some really great stories after they’re over.

Over time I realized that I didn’t really hate Penelope. What I really hated was my lack of confidence when becoming self employed. Once I figured that out, we became friends.

A friend. Not a mentor. I have learned plenty about myself just from being around her, but I don’t want to be like her. I have a lot of people like this in my life.

Trial and error is my mantra. I’ve always learned things the hard way. It makes sense that I would ally myself with people I don’t typically agree with. Things are more interesting that way, and you learn more too.

When is the last time that you learned anything about yourself without conflict? The biggest lesson that I learned in 2009 was to push back when people are expecting too much out of me. I learned to set expectations for people, and if they didn’t like it, tough luck. I didn’t learn how to do this through someone I wanted to be like, I learned it through people who are nothing like me at all.

In essence, the big epiphany moments, the light bulbs, every “a-ha” was something that I came to when I stepped closer towards people I didn’t want to be like and further from people who made me feel comfortable. Chaos has been my muse, and so far she’s treated me quite well.

Life would be boring without the people that make us tick. They force us to think in different ways because we want to debate their ideas. Some days we win, others we lose. In the end, we all learn something.

I’ve never had a mentor in the traditional sense, and I think that maybe I don’t need one. I’m not the type of person who needs people to hold in high regard. I just need people who push me. And usually the best person to do that is someone who is not very much like me at all.

I’m telling you this because you might spend a lot of time beating around the bush, too. Sometimes we end up hurting ourselves when we indulge in such tomfoolery.

I spent two days in Tulum, Mexico convinced that I was going deaf. I went diving through a bunch of reefs and caves. I was convinced that all the pressure changes knocked something loose. It’s stupid, but these are the kinds of neurotic thoughts I’ll do back flips over on a daily basis.

It took me two days of blue funk to pony up and go to a Mexican doctor. I barely understood his broken English, but he squirted a syringe of what looked like club soda into my ear, then ten minutes later pulled out a ball of wax. He showed me the dime-sized wad before tossing it down the drain and writing me a bill for 1,299 pesos.

The money didn’t matter. The time I spent worrying about the outcome cost me two days of vacation, and that did matter. I could have been sipping tequila on the Riviera Maya—not a care in the world—but I spent two days comatose from my own angst instead.

I want to learn to be better at confronting things early. I want to axe out the stage of fear where I let hours decay while I think about ungodly outcomes. I think if we all learned to do that a little better, we’d be a lot happier with our lives.

Sure, it’s quite possible that you’re the ass-kicking lord of confrontation—by god you better be blogging and sharing some of that wealth—but I’m not. And if you’re anything like me, please raise your glasses, then go schedule some time to reflect on the things you’ve been brooding over for way too long.

Like maybe there’s tension at work and you’ve been avoiding butting heads because it’s unnerving. Confront that.

Or maybe you just haven’t been blogging because you’re afraid that what you say will suck. Confront that, too.

Whatever it is that’s holding you back from living life, unabridged, confront that shit and move on. Once you’re done, you’ll feel stupid for not doing it sooner, but relieved that you finally did.

When I adopted Charlie, it fit. I’m the type of person who likes having someone to take care of, and when I was working from home I felt less lonely. I had always loved having dogs, and this was going to be the first dog that was all mine. Up until last weekend when I finally gave Charlie away, we were always able to adapt to the changes we had to face together.

When Brazen Careerist moved out of my apartment and into a real office things changed, but we were able to adapt. When the business started getting more demanding, we were able to adapt too. Even when we moved into a 900 square foot apartment with my girlfriend, who initially didn’t like dogs, we adapted.

The change that pushed me over the edge was that I felt stuck. Even worse, I felt as if the dog was stuck too. He showed me that he felt stuck by pulling used coffee filters out of the garbage, tossing the grinds all over the carpet or by opening the refrigerator and eating multiple sticks of butter and then vomiting.

Meanwhile, I showed him I was stuck by spending money. Three-hundred dollars a month on average to be exact. That’s chump change compared to what parents spend on daycare for their kids, but for a twenty-something making startup money, doggie daycare is a bitch.

Pun, definitely intended.

When Charlie first came into my life I wrote a post where I said, “you couldn’t take my dog away from me with an army behind you.” I really believed that, and I can honestly say that I tried everything to make it work.

Giving Charlie up was easily one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. There are days when I regret the decision. There are even days where I look down by my fireplace and wonder why he’s not there. But I really have to believe that letting him get unstuck was the right thing to do. Hopefully, it will help me get unstuck too.

One of the most important things I’ve learned from being in a startup is to not let yourself get stuck. When people get stuck, businesses fail. Give it the proverbial “college try” of course, but if it doesn’t work, move on.

Such is the same in other aspects of our life.

I was thinking that at the end of the post I might tell you to not get a dog if your life is unstable, like mine. But I don’t really think that’s right. In fact, a dog might be exactly what you need.

When I got Charlie, I was lost in a lot of different ways. I was in a new city. I had been struggling to find meaningful relationships with people. I wasn’t even sure if Brazen Careerist was going to work. Then I adopted a 2-month-old chocolate lab puppy. He didn’t fix any of my problems, but he reminded me to take joy in the more simple pleasures of life—something that I had forgotten.

So who am I to say that having a dog isn’t right for you? During the two years that I spent with my own dog, I’ve experienced so much joy. And even though after two years of fetching, chasing and cleaning up poop our relationship no longer made sense, I wouldn’t trade the time I had with Charlie for anything.

The room was a can of sardines, but more optimistic. Tangled in a motley web of businessmen, congressmen and college students, we parked it next to a middle-aged bald guy. Pulling out a shot glass from his jacket pocket and slamming it on the table, he asked the barkeep to pour some whiskey.

“Hey,” he said. “Would you guys like to take a shot with me?”

Dan and I looked at one another, then back at the guy. “Sure,” we decided.

“It means a lot that you both are doing this with me,” he said. “I’ll tell you why after Obama takes his oath.”

We sat there, quietly sipped on beers, listened to Biden take his oath, then Obama. Looking over at our friend, I saw tears.

“Cheers,” he said. We took our shots. I forgot what whiskey tasted like midday on a Tuesday. Closing my eyes for a moment, I regained my composure. When opened them, the man was pointing to a pin he was wearing on his chest, a young man in uniform holding a puppy.

“This is my son,” he said. “He died in Iraq four years ago.”

He told us how passionate his son was to go into the Middle East—keen on making the world a better place—only to find himself appalled by how everything was being done. He couldn’t wait to come home and dedicate his life to changing America’s foreign policies.

He never got to do that, but his fortitude lived on through his father. Obama’s Inauguration—in his eyes—was the catalyst for change that his son had dreamed about.

“On Memorial Day,” he said, “do me a favor.”

“Tell my son’s story to someone … anyone.” He just wanted his son’s story to be told. And today, I’m doing the best I can to live up to my promise.

During the month of May, two amazing bloggers, Sam Davidson and Matt Chevy, teamed up to get young bloggers talking about change. I couldn’t think of what to write about. Then I remember the promise I kept to that stranger on Inauguration Day and the lesson that I learned.

It has nothing to do with politics, or foreign policy, or Republicans versus Democrats. It’s about the power each of us has to make a difference today, right now, if we’re devoted enough and perseverant enough to make things happen. It’s a fragile gift, because we never know when that chance might be taken from us.

I’ve been thinking a lot today about the people I know whose dreams of cultivating change were cut too short. Like my friend Kaity, who might have lived on to help save the rainforests if she didn’t die of an over dose two years ago. Or my friend Chris, who would have made one kick-ass electrical engineer if he didn’t die tragically in a fire before he even graduated college. And of course, Sgt. Mark Allen Maida … a total stranger to me if it wasn’t for his father.

As another Memorial Day drifts past, and we all go back to work, school or whatever else we do with our time, let’s try not to forget how easy it is to fall back into idle behaviors. Let’s try to remain focused on the things in our lives that we want to and need to change.

Change isn’t enclosed in bubble wrap. It’s not going to wait until we’re ready to commit. And when the chance has gone, we rarely get a chance like it again.

While I love making money, my salary is not why I come into work every day. I love what I do. I’m passionate about being a community manager. And I am passionate about the people I am connecting with every day.

So to me, being transparent about my salary is no problem. Regardless of what that number is now, or in the future, the real value I am getting is from the skill set I’m developing and the journey of self discovery happening along the way.

Transparency is all relative to how good we feel about what we do. So how transparent are you?

Events in our lives have a way of shifting our attitudes about certain things. Sometimes that’s bad, but then sometimes that’s really good. In my case, let’s just say that I’m a more seasoned millennial than I used to be.

And I think that’s a good thing. Because while I inherently see the world through the eyes of my generation, I’m starting to understand what Gen-Xers and Boomers are talking about.

No, I don’t think we’re a bunch of narcissistic brats all of a sudden. But I do understand why we’re sometimes misunderstood. Because as life takes its toll and we all grow up, I think we all find that our virtues mature.

Here are a few things that have matured with me during the past year.

I’m not as idealistic.

When I first read the cover of Strauss and Howe’s Millennials Rising: The Next Great Generation, I think I tricked myself into believing that we’re already just as stellar as my grandfather’s generation who kicked butt for all of us during World War II. But let’s face it, we haven’t proven anything yet.

I do still believe our generation has the potential to be great. But I’m pretty sure now that it’s going to take a lot more work than I originally thought.

A year ago I would’ve said that Generation Y is going to change the world and social media is going to be the vessel. Today, while I still believe that social media is a powerful ally, I’m not as naïve.

It’s going to take a lot more than tech savvy for Gen Y to make change the way we talk about changing things. We need hands-on action. And while a few critics pointed me to some great examples of millennial leadership, I still haven’t seen enough.

But maybe I’m demanding too much. Maybe we’re on the right track and just too young to take the reigns of leadership. That would be just fine with me. But in the meantime, I’d rather demand more than be satisfied with less.

I’m more skeptical.

When I first heard Barack Obama speak, I said to myself, “Wow, there’s the guy who’s going to save this country.” I was completely blown away. And looking back on it all, I kind of get mad at myself. I want to be smarter than that.

I no longer believe in the hype, I believe in results. Words like hope and change, used to give me goose bumps. Now when someone tells me they’re going to do something all I can say is “We’ll see.”

And that may sound like I’m lacking in hope, but I’m not. I’m very hopeful. In fact, I voted for Obama in the primaries, and probably will vote for him in November too. But I realize that actions speak louder than words, and I’ll definitely give the guy a hard time if he makes it into the Oval Office but doesn’t live up to all he promised.

The problem I’ve seen in myself and in my generation thus far is that we’re a lot of talk. And sometimes we believe in things without asking for proof.

But maybe that’s all we can do until we gain more momentum. I’m sure anxious to see how we turn out, but until then, we’ll see…

I’m not as bold.

When I started blogging, I used to run my mouth too much. I’d take something preposterous that someone said about my generation and respond with something equally, if not more preposterous. While shock and awe is typically a lot of fun, it’s better to be taken seriously.

Today I think things through. When I get a nasty comment from someone who calls me an amateur, sometimes I don’t say anything at all. It’s not always worth it to stoop to their level.

Why does this matter?

It matters because I refuse to give Gen-Y dissenters exactly what they want — proof that I’m a hack. Some people feed on their ability to fire people up. And as soon as we lose our cool, they get exactly what they want.

My new motto: Stay cool. Backlash is always going to suck, but as soon as I give into the hate I lose my leverage as a reputable voice.

I’m more myself than I’ve ever been.

For about a year after graduating college, I was depressed. Between leaving long-time friend behind and searching for a new meaning for my life, it was a rough spot in my life. Then things started to fall into place.

Over the past year I’ve experienced the ups and downs of a first job, endured startup stress, and learned a lot about myself. And I don’t want to toot my horn too much, but it feels awesome.

And at the same time, while all this awesomeness surrounds me, I wonder if I’m staying aligned with the values of my generation. Do I need a reality check? I’m really not sure.

Maybe I’m just opening up a new chapter. Maybe other members of my generation are starting to feel this way too. With all the garbage channeled our way via media campaigns, politicians and marketers there’s no doubt that we’re all getting a little nauseous.

So maybe I’m not alone. Are others breaking the stereotypes too? I’d really love to know, because either I’m losing touch or just headed down a different track.

The reason I’m sharing this is because the transition into adulthood is hard enough without having to deal with a mental defect. And considering that one out of every ten Americans suffer from some sort of depression, there are bound to be a few readers out there snagged by the mental funk I’ve dealt with for awhile now.

When I first started working on Brazen Careerist, I had a serious relapse of anxiety attacks. One thing that’s really difficult about startup culture is that it lacks the structure that most corporate jobs embrace and many people who deal with anxiety need. So to get a grip, I had to make some changes in my life.

But it really doesn’t matter what type of work environment you’re in. It’s easy to become paralyzed in any setting. And there’s nothing we can do to prevent it reflecting on us. Anxiety and depression are not visible handicaps, so we don’t get a reprieve.

The simple truth is I never wanted a reprieve. So I tailored my life to my condition and became a better man for it. Think you’re like me? Then check out what I do to keep myself level. Maybe it’ll change your life.

Don’t put yourself in a box.

Easier said than done when you’re sitting in a cubicle, but when I was in a corporate setting, I took every opportunity I could to get up and walk around. If I didn’t, I started to get nervous.

Today, I take a break from the office at midday and walk my dog. If you have an opportunity to get outside during the day, it’s the best medicine for an anxiety-inflicted brain. Between the fresh air, the openness, and the change of focus, it’s a great way to put your head back on straight.

If you choose to stay at your desk and fight the urge to get up, you’re just fighting your anxiety. And you don’t fight anxiety, you suppress it.

Find structure.

Like I mentioned, depressed people sometimes need structure to make things work, especially the anxious ones.

We’re a lot like dogs (seriously). Regularity keeps us happy. Variability means we’re probably going to annoy you. And we’re generally really fun to be around as long as you deal with us in the right way.

So create a life for yourself that’s organized. It won’t always work, but people who make the effort do much better than those who don’t.

Give yourself things to look forward to.

While you’re searching for structure, make sure you give yourself little gifts here and there. It doesn’t have to be an everyday thing, and it probably shouldn’t. There’s such a thing as too much structure in everyone’s life, so to compensate you have to throw in some random fun to keep yourself sane.

I personally like doing a Tuesday-night happy hour. And who doesn’t? But alcohol isn’t always the answer, especially for mental conditions. So find some other activities you can turn into a gift and plant them randomly throughout your weeks.

I like to play darts with my neighbors and unwind. I don’t do it every day. But when I do, it’s like free therapy. Even when I lose.

Have a good friend on speed dial.

If you’ve never experienced anxiety, depression, or any other form of mental illness, you might not think it’s even legit. And that’s okay. I’ve run into a lot of people like this. I used to be one of them.

The problem is that such thinking makes it really difficult for those who do suffer from anxiety to cope with it. Because nobody really gets what the hell is going on.

What I do is rely on someone like me – a friend who deals with the same crap I do – to talk me through any temporary lapses I may have. Because having an anxiety disorder is a lot like being an alcoholic. Unless you suffer from the disease yourself, it’s really going to be hard to talk someone down from an attack when you don’t know what terrible feelings they’re stuck with.

This person could be family, a friend, or anyone, but whoever it is, make sure they’re reliable. There’s nothing more frustrating than putting your faith in someone who can’t deliver.

With that said, there is a certain breed of haters out there that I could really do without – the ones that think age and experience always trump a solid, well thought opinion.

I think that most Gen-Y bloggers know what I’m talking about. In some fashion we’ve all been sized up based on years spent in the real world. And it usually leads to a comment that goes something like this:

In 10 years you’ll regret saying that.

Sure, in 10 years I’ll regret a lot of things. But what I won’t regret is making my voice heard as a young professional. Especially when there are tons of others out there just like me without the resources to do the same.

Will my perspective change within the next 10 years? Yes. Will I regret that I ever opened my mouth in the first place? No. If your argument is that a company might not hire me for something I said back when I was 24 years old, you may have a pretty good case. But there’s an equally good chance that a company does hire me because I challenged the norm. And that’s the type of company Generation Y wants to work for anyway.

What a lot of people don’t realize about blogging is it’s okay to be wrong. And while it’s important to check your facts, you don’t need to be an expert to state an opinion. That’s the beauty of blogging. When I started blogging over a year ago, I would have never guessed that I would experience hardcore resistance. And in most instances, it’s been a pleasant surprise.

So if you’re going to be an active presence in the blogosphere, wear your boxing gloves. A few blows to your ego are definitely game. But there’s one more important thing that you have to be ready to do.

Accept the New Authority

Social media has changed the way we give and receive information. News and opinion is no longer just being spoon fed to everyone by media moguls—it’s being created and duplicated and passed around by everyday people. Think of it more like a buffet. But if the buffet makes you nauseous, you’re more than welcome to order from the regular, everyday menu.

Challenging a blogger by asking where he gets his authority is pointless—you won’t likely find a list of credentials. Instead, size him up by checking out who is reading, linking, subscribing and commenting on his blog. Besides gaining trust, that’s the only basis of authority in the blogosphere.

What it all boils down to is the realization that you can’t evaluate a person in the blogosphere the same way that you would in the corporate world. Age is meaningless and the only titles we have are the ones we give ourselves for the sake of it. And still, people stop by and read.

Granted, as a young professional, sometimes I do need a good reality check. And I’m happy when it’s given to me.

As long as it’s done with an opposing opinion in mind, not my lack of experience or age, I’m willing to take a few jabs. I learn something about myself from every insightful adversary I have. But the ones who question authority, ability, and intellect based on old-school ideas about what makes someone credible are weak and useless to me.